I don't know where to begin
I think my title basically says how I have felt about life lately. There are so many things going on that I often feel challenged as to where I should start. I had to look at my last posting to see where I left off. After October, thing have gotten pretty crazy in my "nurse" life and well as my real life. I found out a few days before Christmas that my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and she would be having surgery right after Christmas. I have always heard that families of nurses appear to be cursed with weird or difficult health problems. I felt that with my mother, sister, and myself all having holes in our hearts and newly diagnosed clotting disorder that we might have made the quota. Then my sister was diagnosed with a neurological condition, which looks the multiple sclerosis on MRI films- but doesn't act like it, that we really had it. Did I mention my father has sarcoids in his lungs....so, to have my mother diagnosed with breast cancer- without an existing family history, kind of threw me for a loop. I was basically a basket case over Christmas, living day to day- trying to survive. I know and understand that people have to get sick and die- I make my living off of it. But, I never contemplated that breast cancer would enter the equation.
Post diagnosis, I spent many hours on the phone with my parents and siblings discussing breast cancer and treatment. My father would call me at odd hours, asking me what I knew and thought about experimental treatment. I did not have answers for many of his questions, as I am not well versed in current oncology therapies. I am able to answer basic questions, but I REALLY don't know enough to tell my father which band of radiation machine is able to provide highest form of radiation, with the smallest amount of damage to the surrounding tissue. At times like this, I got to remind him that I am really helpful to have in the family should someone be trying to actively die- that is what I do and know. That is my playground and I am THE bully.
Being transplanted to a new school, I had to take some lessons. I spent lots of time talking to my parents regarding what to expect before, during, and after surgery. What should they do and what was not acceptable. I also spent lots and lots of time doing what nurses do best-teaching. "No, Mom you can't ever garden again without gloves" "Yes, you must take the permanent marker and write NOT THIS ONE on her other breast." "Dad, I don't care, take a photo of her breast on the camera phone and send it to me- or I'll make your nurse do it." Needless to say, I spent lots of time looking at little poorly taken photos of my mother- trying to figure out what was really happening. You see, the patient and their family are always the last to know what is really going on.
On that note, I am going to go to bed- I will follow up on that last line tomorrow.
posted by icunurse_celeste @ 6:38 PM
0 Comments
